Sound off in the comments if I am wrong, science teachers, but the combination of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom makes a water molecule. The last science class I took was a long, long time ago, but that stuck in my memory and I think it is true. (Though in an effort to make sure I didn’t say something galactically stupid, I read this article and learned some stuff I either didn’t know, or knew once, but forgot).

Water is a very powerful substance. It can literally shape rock, sustain life, exist in three states simultaneously, and is the most useful solvent on the planet. Go ahead. Try washing your dishes without it. It is also – and I am not exaggerating here – the leading reason students give for wanting to leave my classroom. Other teachers have confirmed that this is the case in their classes as well. It beats out the bathroom, nurses office, need for a Band-Aid, counselor’s office, and other teachers’ classrooms to retrieve a missing computer combined. Given this truth, you would think that at any given time there would be a line next to the water fountain comparable to the line outside Book People when Prisoner of Azkaban was being released. (Yeah. That old, you guys.)

During my planning period, curiosity drove me to the hallway to find out how many students drink water during class. This is what I learned:

Water = go in the hallway too wait for significant other long enough to brush hands before returning to class;

Water = lay down in middle of hallway for a few seconds and stare at the ceiling;

Water = walk the entire inside perimeter of the school building;

Water = pop by another classroom to peek in the window on the off chance a friend is staring out of it and wave frantically before going back to class;

Water = apply lipstick in the hallway;

Water = ding-dong-ditch a teacher’s classroom just for the heck of it;

Water = meet a friend in the hallway at a pre-arranged time and start to cry together for no discernable reason;

Water = change shoes;

Water = go to the water fountain, turn the water on, watch it run for a minute and go back to class without drinking any.

So, in addition to water being the most magical, important substance on earth, it is also the codeword for “I gotta get out of here and reconnect with myself.” As a human, and a parent, and someone who really, really cares about respecting the autonomy of young people, I can empathize deeply with the urge to “go get some ‘water’”. As a teacher, I want to grab a spray bottle full of filtered water and tell them to open their mouths so I can spray them (or maybe just spray them right in their adorable little faces), because gosh-darn-it-all I only have 50 minutes to impart the knowledge they need to be able to look up 19 year old scientific articles to verify the learning they are holding on to from today.

I’m gonna need some water.